Happy 31 baby!!

 Next week, Larry and I celebrate 31 years of marriage!! In this day and age, that's kind of a shocker.  

We had a whirlwind romance,  our first date was on my 18th birthday.  We went to Reunion Tower in Dallas and had a big fancy dinner and I was impressed!  We were engaged 3 months later and married 3 months after that.  Larry asked me to marry him on the top of a mountain in Colorado!!  

Larry took me to Lake Louise, Canada for our honeymoon!  Growing up in Dallas, I had never really seen snow before.  Well, in Canada in November, there is a LOT of snow!  We even went skiing!  We stayed at the fancy Chateau Lake Louise, right on the frozen lake.  It was an amazing adventure!  That started my love for travel!!  I was like, there is a giant world out there and I want to see it!

A lot has changed in the last 31 years!  3 grown kids, new son and daughter in law, 4 grandkids!  We moved maybe 14-15 times.  We've gotten to travel everywhere!  Come see our push pin map sometime!

But the thing that's changed the most is my love and devotion to Larry.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into (in general with marriage, but also being married to LARRY KILGORE!😜)

It's been a fun ride and I can't wait to see all the new adventures we take.  It's just the best with you, Larry!!

Happy 31 years!!!  💕🤟  Here's to many many more!

Dance Dance Dance

Having fun in a marriage is KEY!  It's so easy to get wrapped up in the honey do's, the kid raising, the chores etc.  But how often do you and your honey just go have a fun time?   Just enjoying the moment and each other's company.

Something we do almost every weekend is go out and listen to live music.  Talk about FUN!!  We know a lot of local bands from going around the metroplex every weekend. Just getting out and hearing live music (finally it's back!!)  and then dancing is just so much fun!!!  

Last nite was just such a nite.  As we sat outside, the moon rising over the lake, the band began to play all our favorite Fleetwood Mac songs and we just boogied and grooved.  I hooped, Larry danced, I danced, we danced together. 

Everyone else just sat on the grass in their social distanced circles but here were Larry and I just hooping it up and having a blast!  

There's an old saying, dance like no one's watching--and that's what we did last nite.  The band was playing just for us.  The moon was rising over the lake just for us.  

Life's too short to wait for the next song.

Life's too short to care what other people are going to think about us.

Have a blast together.  

Enjoy each other's company.

Get into the groove.

It'll bring out the kid in ya.  It's good exercise.  It'll relax ya.  It'll bring you both closer together.

It may even bring a smile to someone else's face and inspire them to get up and dance too. 😉

The year was 1989!

The year was 1989!

The Berlin Wall came down,  the USSR got its freedom, Tiananmen Square protests were happening.

But the biggest news of all was Larry met Valerie. 💓💓💓

We dated and got engaged in a  whirlwind.  Our first date was in April, we got engaged in August, and married in November!

Our first date!

Thirty years ago!  THIRTY!!

What a huge milestone in today's world of broken relationships.

It hasn't always been easy.  We've had a lot of ups and downs. Mostly ups- thankfully.

We've moved 15 times, lived in everything from a small house behind a  house to a 3500 square foot 5 bedroom house, and we even lived in a hotel for a few months!

Lived in 4 states.

Can't even count how many cars, jobs we've had. Or houses we've bought and sold.

We raised 3 kids, and now have 3 grandkids!

We've been to almost every state in the US and lots of places around the world.

I can't imagine my life without you.  You've pushed me to be more than I ever thought I could be.  Challenged my comfort zones. Helped me grow in the Lord.  Shown me how to love the downtrodden.  Helped me come out of my introvert shell. Helped me to chill and see the positive side of things.

Marriage is a crazy adventure.  We've grown.  Even flipped personalities at times.  It's the learning to give and take.  When to give, when to take.

Thirty years ago, I was a young, naive girl who had to read the directions on the washing machine in order to know how to wash the clothes!  My how things have changed.

We've learned from each other so many things.  And now we are learning the art of the empty nest.  And the fun times of grandparenthood!

Who knows what the next 30 years will hold, or where we will be.

But I'm glad I'm with you on this crazy adventure.

Love ya.

Happy 29 years!

In a few weeks, my honey and I will be married 29 years!  In a way, it seems so short but in a way it seems so long! Hahaha!  JK--mostly 😂

Marriage is tough.  It takes effort.  It's not always romance and flowers and mushy stuff.  It's life and messes and arguments.  It's disagreements and not seeing eye to eye and misunderstandings and annoyances.  It's missed opportunities and different expectations.

But that does not mean we haven't had some fun along the way!  It's also, coffee together in the morning, watching the rain on the balcony together, playing a new board game together, watching Jeopardy together.  All these things have the same word in common--together. 

Marriage is together.  We are on the same team!  We should be working together!  I'm for Him and He is for Me! 

So what's the big secret on how to be married for 29 years?  << here's a few ideas but I really couldn't tell you. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas.  But the main one is just don't quit!  Work at it!  In some aspects,  I'm competitive and so is he and neither one of us want to lose.  (***side note:  Now it goes without saying that in the cases of abandonment or adultery or abuse--get the heck out!  Seek help and counseling!)

A big part of our marriage is friendship.  It's having fun together.  I think that's what keeps us going a lot of times.  Being silly, having fun, dancing like no one's watching! 

Read good marriage books.  Seek counseling even during the good times.  Go on dates! Go on marriage retreats. Be around other married couples. Apologize. Don't always be right. Love with the other person's love language.  Get off your phone sometimes.  Do one nice thing.  Stop the downward spiral. Enjoy yourself. Grow. Change.  Help each other. Learn from others.  Take advice.  Don't get stuck in the monotony.  Mix it up.  Try.

It's like putting gas and oil in the car, if you want the car to keep running you gotta take care of it! Maintenance is pretty important to a relationship. 

So have fun, hang on and enjoy this ride called life!

Here's to another 29 years Larry!  We got this!!  💗 

Marriage vows

I have 2 different co- workers that are getting married this year. Weddings are such sweet, romantic times and it got me to thinking of the marriage vows.

A vow is a solemn promise.

Larry and I will be married 29 years this year!  Twenty nine years ago we stood before a small group of friends and said our vows.

What did we vow all those many years ago.

To have and to hold from this day forward,
Ok, this is one I didn't fully understand when I got married.  Larry is definitely a cuddler.  His love language is touch.  That is far from my love language.  So I'm still working on this one.

for better, for worse,
The better--travelling, hiking, camping, geocaching, kids, babies, friends, kite flying, watching the moon rise, star gazing, laughing till my stomach hurts

The worse-fighting, raising teens at times, other stuff that nobody wants to remember or talk about and is way too personal to list here.  Yes, the bad stuff happens.  Sometimes it's so much worse than you could ever imagine or anticipate. 

for richer, for poorer,
I'll have to admit the richer is so much better.   But it was all those years of scrimping and saving and having an eat out limit of $2 each, that got us to this point.  Larry has always had a long term outlook.  We have always been pretty big cheapskates and that has allowed us the freedom now to spend a little more freely and bless others too.


in sickness and in health,
We've had our share of sicknesses and illnesses, broken bones and trips to the emergency room, surgeries,  strange swellings, rashes and other oddities

Otherwise we've been fairly healthy! Now that we are treating our whole bodies with nutrition and other natural methods, both of us rarely get sick any more.


to love and to cherish, 
When we first married, we had to define what love was.  We decided that it was first and foremost commitment, then there is friendship love, and then the "woozy woozy" love.  We might not always feel the woozy or the friendship, but the commitment is always there. 

Looking up the definition of cherish-- it means to hold something dear, to protect and care for lovingly.  Yes, Larry most definitely does this for me.


till death do us part,
We've been through the deaths of all my grandparents, Larry's dad, my mom, my niece.  Death is really hard.  It makes you realize how you want to live.  Death is something we will all experience.  I don't know what I'll do when Larry's gone.  I always joke I'll move to Fiji!  Maybe I will who knows! 

Contrary to popular belief today, vows do mean something.  It's not a one time deal.  I fail all the time.  Even after all these 29 years, I still have so much to work on.  But it's neat to see how far we've come.   It's even neater to see where we are going.

On nagging and trusting

So, I like to control things.  I like to micromanage.  I like to "make sure" it gets done "right".  Well, I should say, that is my tendency.  That's what my default is.  That's what I struggle against.

My way is not always the right way.  My timing is not always the best timing.  Even though I think it might be...other people have other ways of doing things.

This especially comes into view with my husband. He is completely and totally opposite of me.  He's spontaneous.  He's loud and gregarious.  He thinks outside of the box (does he even have a box??)  He's unscheduled and un-traditional.  Completely unconventional in a lot of ways.

So many times in our marriage I've had to bite my tongue and let him do it "his way".  Well, it didn't start off that way.  But I have learned that nagging ...(cough**telling**cough) him what to do is pretty much never the way to get things done.  In fact, if I am the boss and directing him, then I'm not really trusting him am I? 

Hubby has worked contract jobs for years and with contract it's feast or famine.  When he comes home to tell me "I've got good news and bad news".  My heart gets to pounding, my brain starts to worrying.  How will we survive without a job?  What will happen?  But I know now to just trust him to take care of us.  I don't need to "check" in on him and see how any resumes he has sent out or how many calls he has made today.  I trust him.  I believe he wants the best for me and our family.  I trust that he has prepared a backup plan for different scenarios.  Nagging does not do a thing.

I recently read an excellent book called The Empowered Wife.  In it she lists 4 questions that really help in these situations where I want or "need" to say something.  It basically all boils down to fear.

1. What am I afraid of?
2. Is my fear realistic?
3. Can I actually control the situation?
4. Is it worth the intimacy it would cost to control it?

It's that fourth one that gets me.  Is it worth the intimacy?  Do I want to become his mom in telling him how and when to do things?  Probably not.

Now I 'm not saying we can't talk about things and he doesn't reassure me with the plan in different situations.  We do talk.  We come up with ideas together.  He loves my input and my ideas!  We work as a team for sure.  But I trust him to be the leader.  I trust his decisions.  Just as he trusts me.

These questions work wonders not only for husband and wife relationships but for any relationship really!  Relationships with my grown up kids is a great example! Friendships, other family relationships, you name it..if I'm worried about something or thing I need to nag or control..I can always go back to those questions.

Proverbs 2:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." 

Proverbs 21:9 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

I want to be a joy to my husband, friends, & kids!  Nobody wants to hang around a nagging quarrelsome person.