On nagging and trusting

So, I like to control things.  I like to micromanage.  I like to "make sure" it gets done "right".  Well, I should say, that is my tendency.  That's what my default is.  That's what I struggle against.

My way is not always the right way.  My timing is not always the best timing.  Even though I think it might be...other people have other ways of doing things.

This especially comes into view with my husband. He is completely and totally opposite of me.  He's spontaneous.  He's loud and gregarious.  He thinks outside of the box (does he even have a box??)  He's unscheduled and un-traditional.  Completely unconventional in a lot of ways.

So many times in our marriage I've had to bite my tongue and let him do it "his way".  Well, it didn't start off that way.  But I have learned that nagging ...(cough**telling**cough) him what to do is pretty much never the way to get things done.  In fact, if I am the boss and directing him, then I'm not really trusting him am I? 

Hubby has worked contract jobs for years and with contract it's feast or famine.  When he comes home to tell me "I've got good news and bad news".  My heart gets to pounding, my brain starts to worrying.  How will we survive without a job?  What will happen?  But I know now to just trust him to take care of us.  I don't need to "check" in on him and see how any resumes he has sent out or how many calls he has made today.  I trust him.  I believe he wants the best for me and our family.  I trust that he has prepared a backup plan for different scenarios.  Nagging does not do a thing.

I recently read an excellent book called The Empowered Wife.  In it she lists 4 questions that really help in these situations where I want or "need" to say something.  It basically all boils down to fear.

1. What am I afraid of?
2. Is my fear realistic?
3. Can I actually control the situation?
4. Is it worth the intimacy it would cost to control it?

It's that fourth one that gets me.  Is it worth the intimacy?  Do I want to become his mom in telling him how and when to do things?  Probably not.

Now I 'm not saying we can't talk about things and he doesn't reassure me with the plan in different situations.  We do talk.  We come up with ideas together.  He loves my input and my ideas!  We work as a team for sure.  But I trust him to be the leader.  I trust his decisions.  Just as he trusts me.

These questions work wonders not only for husband and wife relationships but for any relationship really!  Relationships with my grown up kids is a great example! Friendships, other family relationships, you name it..if I'm worried about something or thing I need to nag or control..I can always go back to those questions.

Proverbs 2:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." 

Proverbs 21:9 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

I want to be a joy to my husband, friends, & kids!  Nobody wants to hang around a nagging quarrelsome person.