FIFTY!!

So I am officially half a century old today!!  FIFTY!!! 

It seems crazy!  I don't feel fifty.  

It's been a great fifty years so far!  

In honor of my fiftieth, here's fifty things that have I've done, things about me, and things I have learned these last 50 years.

1. Been married 31 years to the same guy!!  haha! 

2. Most stuff doesn't matter, but the things that do matter-really matter.

3. Lived in lots of places. I think we've moved 15 (lost track!) times! 

4. Raised 3 kids and now have 4 grandkids!!

5. Dance (or hoop) like no one is watching.  It's so liberating.

6. It's never too old to learn new things.

7. I've been to 36 countries in the world!  That's 14.3% of the world!

8. I love going to places that aren't your typical "touristy" places.

9. I'm an accomplisher..but I'm learning to relax and chill.

10. Reading God's Word is life changing.  Especially reading the whole thing through quickly.  

11. Make a decision.  It's ok if you make another decision later.  Just move, go, do something.

12. Friendships only thrive if you water them. A text, card or call goes a long way.

13. Take the picture.  Be in the picture.

14. Enjoy the moment.  Even if you don't post it on social media, just enjoy the moment you are in, don't be in a rush to go to the "next thing".

15. You'll make mistakes.  Learn from them.  Be humble.  Accept correction.

16.  I've been keto now over 5 years.  It's a lifestyle that I love.  It's helped erase my heartburn, made me think clearer, and kept my weight down.

17. Love grows where you water it.

18. I love traveling.  I'll be glad when I can go overseas again. (dumb covid)

19. What you put into your body is important. Physically, spiriturally, mentally.

20. Who knows how many books I've read.  I wish I had a list! Sometimes I'll start a new book and think...this sounds familiar!  (because I've already read it!)

21. I've sold all our stuff so many times.  (because of all the moving) Stuff is stuff and you'll always have a lot of it.

22. I usually struggle with exercise but I love hiking and walking and really enjoy yoga and aerial yoga!

23. When someone asks you to do something new or go somewhere new.  Give it a chance.

24. I didn't think I could do aerial yoga at all, but my sister is a great encourager!  I actually surprise myself with the things I do!

25. I rarely wear makeup but I love jewelry.

26. The need to impress others wanes as you get older, and get more confident in who you are.

27. Give someone that compliment!  

28. I'm a natural blonde.  Never colored my hair.

29. My hair is fine and thin...makes it hard to curl, but super easy to get up and go.

30. Skirts are my thing.  Been wearing them now over 20 years.  I love how they make me feel feminine and they are good for twirling and dancing.

31. Being best friends with your spouse is awesome.

32. Looking forward to the next 50 years!  I wanna be that funky, hooping, crazy grandma.

33. I love hats!!!!!

34. Coffee, coffee, coffee...and tea.  Yes!

35. One of my favorite things to do is go listen to live music on the weekends with Larry.  Hoop and dancing!!  

36. When meeting someone new, ask them about themselves.  And listen.

37. I'm loving this stage of my life.  Being a grandma, retired, rv living.  ummmm yes.

38. Take the love language test.  It's how you show love to others and how you feel loved.  I'm service and gifts.

39. If I'm cleaning, I'm either showing service or really upset.  ha!

40. I like music of all kinds.  Bluegrass, classical, rock.. pretty much anything!  But I love the 50s music a lot!

41. It's ok to be in pajamas at 6pm.

42. I want to learn to embroidery.

43.  Love playing backgammon with Larry.  I'm so glad my dad taught me how.

44. It's so exciting to see your kids as adults!  To see them grow and learn and thrive!

45. When someone presents to you a new theory or idea.  Don't immediately dismiss it.  It's a great opportunity to research what your own beliefs are.

46. You become the thoughts you feed yourself.

47. You are never too old to change! 

48. I started learning the ukulele last year.  I've been practicing every day.  It's so hard to strum and sing at the same time!

49. I don't like to cook.  Larry's does all the meal making...thankfully!

50.  Turning fifty sounds old, but old is only a state of mind. :)

The number one rule of womanhood

 The number one rule of womanhood is you never ever ever ask a woman if she's pregnant.  NEVER.  I mean, even if the baby is coming out...don't even hint at it!

We were hiking yesterday and I let this lady ahead of me.  I said "Go ahead, I'm slower".  She said "You're pregnant right?"  

😕😟😠😭😡😢😱

Larry quickly said, no but we have 4 grandkids!  HA!

So the rest of the hike, that's all I could think about.   I eat really good, I exercise every stinking day.  I close all my rings on my apple watch so faithfully.  I guess I could use the excuse everyone else is using right now...pandemic??  I really don't know. I've gained a few pounds but geezzzzzz.

You see, I've birthed 3 kids (granted it was 24 years ago-but still).  That poochy belly is my badge of honor.  It reminds me of the amazing body that God has created.  My body stretched to an enormous size.  And out of that misshapen body, I now have my 3 beautiful grown adult kids now and now my grandkids!

That pooch shows me that I'm not perfect.  I still have work to do.

That pooch reminds me to watch what I eat and to keep on exercising.

But this is my body.  

Words hurt.  I've dealt with hurtful words my whole life.

Words can also change someone's life for the better.

So women,  if you feel the need to say something to another woman, please just say "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!"

Or "I Love your hair today!"

Or anything along those lines.   You have no idea where someone is in their journey.  Having babies makes crazy bodies.  But they are beautiful.

Let's be an encouragement to one another at all times.  But especially now.

Homeschooling Adventures!

There's a whole bunch of  new people doing virtual school at home now.  I just want to encourage you all that you can do this!  We homeschooled all three of our kids for many many years.  Two of them all they way through and one all but about 2 years.  

We used every type of curriculum over the years.  From structured, to workbooks, to computer classes, to unit studies, to unschooling.

First of all, every kid is different.  That is the first thing that I learned homeschooling!  Everyone does not learn like me!  Some of my kids liked structure, some liked more freedom.  Some needed a desk, some needed to be outside. Some liked to do the pages in order, some liked to randomly open the book and do that page! 

Our homeschooling definitely evolved over the years. At first, all I knew to do was what I knew as "school" at home.  I tried to recreate it.  That didn't go over so well.  Then I realized we had the freedom to do so much more at home!  We could learn here or there!  We could learn everywhere!

We utilized the library, and games, and outside, and loads of free play.  Some of the best learning was random questions as we were flying kites at the park.

Now I know, you all doing the "virtual learning" at home won't have quite as much freedom.  But take this time to get to know your kids.  How do they learn?  Visual, auditory, tactile?  By rote, by memorizing? By singing?   Take this time to get to know yourself!  How's your patience?  How's your attitude? Take this time to listen to what they are learning.  Listen to what's going on in the classroom.

And really, it might be easier just to homeschool yourself! Ha!  I know it's not for everyone, but you'd be surprised what you are capable of!

My biggest thing is you don't have to make sure they know "everything"!  You don't have to stuff every fact into their head before they are 18.  But give them a love of learning.  Teach them how to learn.  How to find the answers.  Find what their passion is and hone in on that! 

Take this time to get to know yourself and build that relationship with your kids.  

It truly is a blessing!

Looking back this past year

Well, 2019 is almost over.  I can't believe it's going to be 2020!  This past year has had it's good and bad, for sure.  Here's just a few of the happenings:

I lost my uncle and brother in law at the beginning of the year.

But on a happier note, we had 2 grandkids born this year!

We got to take a wonderful trip to Croatia and Slovenia!

I did an actual TRAPEZE swing!

I started doing trapeze yoga with my sister!

Larry and I celebrated 30 years of marital bliss! 

I finished my Invisalign!

We went to New Mexico to visit our son over Thanksgiving!

Lots of fun weekend trips to see our grandbabies, daughter and her family.

Celebrated 5 years at my job!

So many fun concerts, times with friends, games and good times!

Here's to new beginnings!  His Mercies are new every morning!  My word for this past year was relationships.  Although some became distant, others drew closer.

I don't have a word yet for this next year but I would like to continue to work on relationships, and keep my heart and mind serving the King of Kings.  

On to 2020!!

Toughest job out there

I've only had a few jobs in my lifetime.  Waitress, admin assistant, retail, and at a cookie store at the mall.  But by far the toughest job I've ever had- being a mom.

It's the job that never ends.

When they are little, you are on 24/7.  It's physically exhausting.  There's the sleep deprivation and a fog of diapers, poop and feeding.  That fog does eventually lift onto a rush of toddlerhood with all it's flurry of activity and learning and talking!  The talking!

We homeschooled, so there was so much laughter, learning, and endless conversations during the school years.

Learning to gradually let go and give them freedom as they get older, is probably the hardest thing of parenting.  Letting them fail, giving them the tools to be responsible, knowing when to step in and when to step back.  It's all very daunting.  But equally rewarding. 

Seeing your kids go from this teeny tiny little one that fits in one arm- to becoming parents themselves is completely awe-inspiring.

You'd think that now that they are all grown and have left the house and have families and careers all their own, that my mom job would be over.  And the physical part of it is. 

Now I'm navigating the road of seeing my kids becoming parents.  How much to say, to help, what not to say, when not to help.  How to encourage, how to support.  How to be the grandparent and not the parent.

It's a whole other level of greatness.

When you're a mom, you're a mom for life.  The job doesn't end.  There's no 8-5, no sick time, hardly any breaks,  even when you are on vacation-you are thinking about them.

A mom to adult kids is a weird stage of life.  It's rewarding, challenging, and sometimes very raw.  I still cry over them.  Still pray over them.  I love them.  And now my heart expands as they marry and have kids.  It keeps expanding..which is a blessing.

I trust God will guide and direct them.  I pray they will trust God to do that.  I pray the things we've taught them will help them.  I pray they will learn from our mistakes as parents.  I pray they will teach me how to love them and their kids.

It's a job that never ends.  And I love it.

Keto lifestyle

I used to be so addicted to carbs.  I mean I was a tortilla eating, chips and salsa loving girl.  I loved bread, and sugar and all things carb related.

Well, I've been doing the Keto lifestyle now for about 5 years.  I was Keto before keto was cool.😋  I just couldn't be happier with it now!  Not going back!

For an explanation of what Keto is look here or here .

What do I eat??

Breakfast:  usually plain greek yogurt (Fage brand with the highest fat).  I add raw sunflower seeds, or chia seeds, or flax seeds and a little stevia and always coffee with heavy cream!

On the weekends I'll eat bacon and eggs, or make cream cheese pancakes! (Just one thing of cream cheese and 6-7 eggs in the food processor, add a little cinnamon, stevia and vanilla. Cook them just like pancakes and add loads of real butter and some almond butter!)

Lunch: I make all my lunches for the workweek on Sunday.  It varies greatly.  I've made chicken breasts with cheese and bacon, 2 hamburger patties with cheese and bacon, pork chops with cauliflower rice.  It's always a meat, a veggie and then maybe some berries and nuts for dessert. (I don't always pack dessert)

Dinner: Really any meats and veggies.  Stay away from starchy veggies.  I like broccoli, asparagus, salads, spinach, zucchini

Eat out options: When going to a Mexican restaurant, I take pork rinds so I can eat chips and guac with everyone.  Watch the sauces-they usually contain sugar.  Instead of rice or beans, just ask for extra veggies or a side salad. Go for fajitas! and ask for extra sour cream!

Other restaurants, look for the non battered meat options and veggies or salad.  Watch out for soups, they contain a thickener usually.  Don't be afraid to ask your server for a change or substitution.

We went to some friends house the other night and they were serving lasagna, salad and bread!  So I just casually ate a lot of salad (no croutons) and the meat and cheese out of the lasagna.  When the ice cream was served for dessert, I didn't make a big deal of it and just kept talking with everyone.  Nobody said anything and it was completely fine. I just ate a few almonds when I got back home and I was good to go!

Reasons I love Keto!! - I have more energy, I'm never hungry, I feel like I can think clearer, my joints don't ache, my nightly heartburn is gone!, and I've lost about 25 pounds!

So anyone tried Keto?  What do you eat?  How do you feel?

Stuff

So, the issue of stuff is on my mind as of late.  You know, our beloved household belongings that somehow multiply over night it seems.  Where does all this stuff come from?  How is it taking over the house? and the garage and every single closet!

Well, I'm a big fan of cleaning out the clutter!  To some people it comes naturally, others have to work on it, and unfortunately some people just never get it.

But the question comes to mind, and the thing I've been thinking about lately is being a burden to my kiddos after I die.  Who is going to have to come in and clean stuff out to sell the place etc?  My kids! It's already such a burden to deal with funeral arrangements, close accounts, etc etc.

So how, you may ask, do we keep the clutter down and not leave such a burden of STUFF to our kiddos?

Well, here's a few things I do to keep the clutter under control:

When I buy something new I try to get rid of at least 2 other things.
I always have a bag ready to add to for donation to a thrift store etc.

If you are completely overwhelmed, start with a drawer.  Dump everything out on the table or some place where you have room to work.  Clean out the drawer and decide what exactly you want to use the drawer for.  Then put only the things back that fit into that category.  Whatever is left, you will need to decide if it goes into another place or if you can give it away.

Ask yourself these questions:
Have I used this in the last year?
Do I have something else that will suffice for the use of this item?
Is it costing me more to store it in my house than if I could go buy one? (your home is so much $ per square feet--how much room does the object take up in your square footage?)
Would I use this in the next year?
Am I saving this "Just because I might need it"?
Might I really need this at all?
Do I want to leave this for my kids to go through?  And will they want it? (don't assume--ask them!and then don't be offended if they don't want it.  It was important to you but may not be to them and that's ok)

Next, you can do a closet! Then a room!  Then the garage!

In all our moves, I've paired down, sorted things and given lots away.  One question I always ask myself is "If I had to pack this in a Uhaul, haul it across the country, unpack it --would I still want it when I got there".   That has actually been a good measurement to the things I really like.

So, how about it?  Spring is just around the corner.  Spring cleaning anyone??

A Kilgore is...

What it means to be a Kilgore

When our kids were little we decided to come up with a family creed.  What it really means to be a Kilgore.

We each contributed thoughts and ideas and the kids were the ones that encouraged us to find Bible verses to back up each of these.  We had this framed and it hung on the wall for years.  As we moved and the kids grew up and moved out..it had gotten lost somehow.  The file was on an old computer that we no longer could use and it sort of went by the wayside.  

Then I went to message an old friend about a random topic and lo and behold this creed was there from a previous conversation many many moons ago!  

I think I'll print it out and hang it on the fridge again.  It's a great creed for our family.  Have any of you all made a family motto or code? Would love to hear it!  Comment below!

A Kilgore is....

Fears, loves and worships the immortal, invisible, only wise God.

Deut. 6:4

Honors God, parents & elders.

John 5:23, Eph 6:2, Prov 16:31

Man lays down his life for his wife and loves her as Christ loves the church.

Eph 5:25-28, Col. 3:19

Woman submits to the authority of her husband and provides wise counsel.

Eph 5:22, Col 3:18

Child seeks opportunities to serve parents without being asked.

Gal. 5:13, I Corinthians 9:19

Protects and cares for orphans and widows.

James 1:27

Can do all things through Christ who strengthen us.

Phil 4:13

Hates the wicked and seeks to crush their schemes.

Ps 139:21

Meditates on infallible Word of God, the Bible.

Prov. 3:1, Ps 1:2

Communicates with God frequently and ask for wisdom.

Col 1:9, Phil 4:6

Is hated by the world, because we preach the truth without compromise.

Ps 34:21

Mourns and rejoices with others and provides comfort.

Rom 12:15, Isa 61:2-3,  I Cor 12:26

Practices unquestionable integrity, truth & loyalty.

Job 27:5, 1 Kings 8:61

Does not whine, yell, pout, or display discontent.

Phil 2:14, Phil 4:11

Provides freedom and justice to the oppressed.

Isa 61:1, Job 36:6, Ps 10:18

Eagerly accepts correction.

Prov 3:11

Gives generously of our time, talent and treasure.

Prov 3:9, 2 Corinthians 8:3,4

Has a thankful heart and hates covetousness.

Eph 5:20, Eph 5:3

Enthusiastically communicates Gods plan for an abundant life.

Matt 28:19

Is fun.

John 10:10

On being an introvert

You might not know this about me... but I'm an introvert.  I like people and I like being around people...just in limited quantities.  I like time alone.  A lot.  I like time to myself and time to think by myself.

You might not think I'm an introvert because my hubby is such an extrovert!  But it's true.  I am more of an introvert.

So just some thoughts on being an introvert:

• I do enjoy people and big crowds but if I'm not talking that doesn't mean I'm not listening.  And I may need to leave and walk around by myself just to recharge a bit.  Crowds drain me.
• I'm better talking one on one or in small groups.
• I love to be silly and have fun.
• If I've spent a while with a big group then I need some down time to recharge.
• I'm perfectly fine spending an entire weekend alone.  Or going places alone.
• I think internally.  I may mull something over for a while and process it all internally. I may or may not eventually tell you how I feel.
• I prefer to work alone. I'm not sure if this is an introvert thing or just a being independent thing.
• I like being married to my best friend the Extrovert!  He helps me get out of my shell and not be a hermit!  He makes my life interesting and a whole lot of fun!

God made us all different!  I'm thankful for that! It'd be a pretty quiet world if we were all like me! I'm glad I have a lot of extrovert friends too! They are fun! and I love it!

Just not too much fun all at once! HA!

So...Did you think I was an introvert?  How about you?  Where do you fall on the introvert/extrovert scale?

What do we require in our relationships?

Well, I gotta get on my soapbox a minute.  My heart breaks for girls today.

Girls today sell themselves short.  They are quick to give their hearts away in a relationship and even quicker to jump into bed with someone they aren't married to.  They move in with them in the hopes that "probably" they will get married.  Probably?  What are you requiring of him?  You give your all to the relationship without expecting anything in return.  You aren't requiring a solid commitment from him!

Why is this completely accepted in not only the world but also "Christian" circles?

Ladies!  You are worth so much more than that!  You don't need to sell yourself short!  Don't give in to the physical pressures of the guy.  They are requiring you to give in.  What are you expecting of them?  A maybe, someday, hopefully proposal?  That's not a good way to start off a marriage anyway. The statistics on divorce after co-habitation are grim.

Marriage is a wonderful covenant!  It's two people fully committed to one another.  It's two people who completely trust each other.  It's two people who come together with an understanding that they will do whatever it takes to protect their relationship.

So, ladies, protect your virtue.  It is a virtue to remain chaste.  Require a commitment from your guy.  If he is a gentlemen he will honor that.  Don't you want to be married to a gentleman after all?  If he's a gentleman before marriage-he will be a gentleman during your marriage.

And gentlemen, treat your lady right.  Honor God.  Respect her and she will respect you.

Galatians 5:19-22 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.


The problem with living together

Test driving marriage

Ok, off my soap box now.

What do we require in our relationships?

Well, I gotta get on my soapbox a minute.  My heart breaks for girls today.

Girls today sell themselves short.  They are quick to give their hearts away in a relationship and even quicker to jump into bed with someone they aren't married to.  They move in with them in the hopes that "probably" they will get married.  Probably?  What are you requiring of him?  You give your all to the relationship without expecting anything in return.  You aren't requiring a solid commitment from him!

Why is this completely accepted in not only the world but also "Christian" circles?

Ladies!  You are worth so much more than that!  You don't need to sell yourself short!  Don't give in to the physical pressures of the guy.  They are requiring you to give in.  What are you expecting of them?  A maybe, someday, hopefully proposal?  That's not a good way to start off a marriage anyway. The statistics on divorce after co-habitation are grim.

Marriage is a wonderful covenant!  It's two people fully committed to one another.  It's two people who completely trust each other.  It's two people who come together with an understanding that they will do whatever it takes to protect their relationship.

So, ladies, protect your virtue.  It is a virtue to remain chaste.  Require a commitment from your guy.  If he is a gentlemen he will honor that.  Don't you want to be married to a gentleman after all?  If he's a gentleman before marriage-he will be a gentleman during your marriage.

And gentlemen, treat your lady right.  Honor God.  Respect her and she will respect you.

Galatians 5:19-22 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.


The problem with living together

Test driving marriage

Ok, off my soap box now.

Grandma Status!

So the big news of the year.... I'm going to be a grandma!!! A friend told me don't say "I'm going to be" because I already am! Yes, that is true! There's a new life growing right at this moment.

I can't believe my daughter and her hubby are going to have their own little sweetie pie.  It's a surreal feeling.  Your kids having their own kids.  I'm really happy and excited for them!

I just want to spill out everything I think and know and have learned.  But that wouldn't really be helpful.  They will learn and grow into their own.  I'm sure they will do things differently than we did.  (Thankfully!) I'm sure I'll disagree with things and wish things were done differently.  But they will probably do some things similar too.  Either way, I need to be OK with it.

I'm looking forward to this new role.  I'm excited to be a grandma!  I'm wondering how do I be an influence, show love, and be involved without being "the mom".  I guess it's probably a lot like I'm doing now with my adult children.  I stay involved, text, send presents, ask questions, show them I'm there if they need anything, keep the lines of communication open.

It's an exciting new chapter!

Grandkids!

I really feel too young for this to be happening!

But I'm just thrilled to see my kids raising their own kids.

Doing the happy dance!!

Any advice for this new grandma?  Comment below!

The thing about Money

So money is an interesting topic.  Most people are always wanting more and never seem to know what to do about their current situation or even how they've gotten in the situation they are in now. The Lord entrusts us with money..so what are we to do with it?

I'm thankful for my hubby who had a lot of wisdom when we first got married in this area.

First of all, we decided we'd never be in debt.  We do use a credit card but we always pay it off in full each month.  Our house is a debt -technically- but early in our marriage we were able to pay it off early and use that big chunk in investing in other houses. (More on that later)  We also consider a house an investment instead of a liability.  Most all the time you can sell your house for more than you bought it for.  I say most because the market is unpredictable and it has been known to drop.

We've never owned a new car or had college debt.  New cars are usually a liability because the depreciation on them is enormous!  And most people are still paying off their college debts way into their 30s and aren't even using their degrees!

Now, the kicker is this- most people when they are trying to get out of debt are trying to get their money to zero.  They would like to not be under water anymore but just tread water.  My hubby's great wisdom has always been this-why just be at zero when you can be way ABOVE zero!

Our thinking has never been.."Well we have $100 what can we spend it on?" or "Do we have enough to go to the movies tonight?"  If you have to think if you have enough ..then you probably shouldn't go.

So how do you get to that point? Well, we did a lot of scrimping and saving in the early days.  We rarely ate out and if we did nobody got a soda and we had a $2 per person limit on what you could get.  We tried to find all the free things we could do and rarely spent money on stuff for the kids and big outings, amusement parks etc.  They never asked us for anything either because it was just understood that mom and dad wouldn't buy them anything while we were out and about.

We also always had the mindset that we are to leave an inheritance not just for OUR kids but for our children's children!  Can you imagine!! Proverbs 13:22 says "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children"

We always tried to look down the road 10-20 years not just to the next payday.

My hubby had plans upon plans and backup plans upon backup plans for when he lost his job, when big expenses came up etc.

When we first got married, I knew I would want to stay home with the kids. So I was working, but we pretended like I didn't make anything and just stashed all that money away so that when we did have kids we would be used to living on one income AND we'd have a stash to start out!

As we paid off our first house, we used that capital to start investing in other houses.  These houses we've always known to be for our kids later on.   They aren't making that much money in the short term but eventually over the long haul they will be paid off (by other people paying them!).

Now it's never too late to get started.  I highly encourage everyone to not just get to zero but go way above that!

Save, invest, think long term, don't get caught up in status symbols, think drastically--maybe getting rid of a smart phone, or cable, or going down to only one car, or moving to a lower income side of town where the housing is cheaper!  These are all really drastic things to do!

Now I'm not saying you've got to live like misers and reuse paper plates!  But just think ahead and count the cost of decisions. Luke 14:28 "28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—"

And long term they could have a huge ripple effect on not only your kids but your kid's kids!

Free and super cheap date night ideas!

Going on dates with your spouse is so important!  We can get caught up in the daily monotony of life. Day in and day out the same things.  Especially when the kids are little, it's easy to slip into "crisis" mode and completely forget who you are married to!

I highly encourage you to make your marriage a priority!  Marriage is a constant act of work.  It takes a lot of effort to maintain closeness.  You must be intentional in your efforts to connect with each other.

That's why we have always tried to fit in date nights!  Even when all our kids were little we would trade babysitting with another couple so that we could have some alone time together.

Date nights don't have to cost a lot of money either!  In fact, a lot of the times it can be free!

Just a few ideas for date nights (We've done all these!!)

Go for a walk

Play a board game together

Read a book out loud to each other

Go to the book store and look through books together

Geocaching!

Take a Sunday drive though country roads

Make up a scavenger hunt and have your spouse look for stuff!

Go to a coffee shop and people watch

Work a puzzle together

Find out the free days at your local museum

Have a picnic at the park

Turn up the music and have a dance party in the living room

Memorize Scripture together

Plan a trip somewhere

Find out when the moon rise will be and pick a place to go see it

Lay out sleeping bags in an open field and watch for shooting stars
Go fly kites in the park

Go share one dessert and coffee at a fancy restaurant

These are just a few of the things we've done for dates.  I'm so glad we have cultivated our love toward each other over these last 26 years!  Especially as our kids were young.  Not only did it show our kids how to build a marriage but it's also helped us not to be strangers now as we have an empty nest!

What date nights have you all enjoyed? Would love to hear new ideas!

Moving our kids toward being an Adult!

There seems to be an epidemic going on in America today.  Maybe worldwide.  I've seen it time and time again.

Parents not encouraging their kids to grow up.
Parents today are coddling their kids more and more and for longer periods of time.  They aren't expecting anything out of them.  They let them freeload for far too long.
How is this doing a dis-service to our kids?

Well, they won't learn life lessons for one thing.

Teen:  mom I need a ride to so-and-so's house
Parent:  well, I'd love to help you but I've got plans tonight.

So how will poor teenager make it to their friend's house with out the help of the mommy or daddy?

Well, here's an idea... He/she can figure it out!

There's multiple options available to get there if they wanted to, but by the parents taking the responsibility to come up with the plan and implement it-then the kids lose out on a valuable skill!

But how will the poor baby get to work without my help...  well, not my problem!

Kids nowadays need to learn to solve these problems on their own.  Yes, I will help you sometimes, but the kids shouldn't  be entitled to my help just because they live at my house!

In parenting, the goal is to raise kids that are INDEPENDENT!  How are they learning that independence if I'm solving all their problems, washing all their clothes, buying all their food, paying all their bills, cleaning up all their messes??

What kind of lessons am I teaching them by coddling them so much?

Well, I'm teaching them that I don't trust them to make any decisions.

I'm teaching them I don't love them enough to give them room to grow.

I'm teaching them that my role will always be the parent and never change to a peer-to-peer relationship.

But if I  don't make all the decisions for them they will make mistakes!

Yes they will!  And that's where grace in parenting comes in.  We don't hold mistakes over our kid's heads.  We encourage, love, guide and direct them with a loving parenting heart.

Let's help our boys become men and our girls become women who can be responsible human beings!

It starts early on.  From the moment they are born there is a constant letting go.  Please don't stunt your kids' natural growth by keeping them "babies" too long.  Let them do their own laundry, go buy the groceries, help around the house, get where they need to go with money they've earned their selves!

You will be happier and they will be too!

Seasons

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In life there are seasons.  Just as the leaves change and the weather changes, life also ebbs and flows. I remember the days of little munchkins..biting, fighting, constant maintenance.  I thought those days would never end.  It was completely exhausting and somedays I didn't know how I survived!

Those days have passed now.  I'm in a new season.  It's quieter now.  Things are much slower.  I only do the laundry and the dishes about once a week.

But there's perks too.  Last night, my grown son came home and took me to dinner and a movie.  He's the perfect gentleman.  He opened the door for me and delighted me with his conversation.  It was a wonderful evening.

I would never have pictured these days back then.  But they are wonderful!  I'm really enjoying my grown up kids.

Hang in there, moms and dads.  Soon the blistering heat of summer will be over and the coolness of fall will begin.  It happens so quickly too.

Rant

Rant time...

Kids now a days are being tested on every level.  Are they smart enough for preschool?  Have they sat up at 4 months?  Do they read at grade level?  Have they completed AB & C by the time they are 3 years old?

Oh they haven't??  Well, then I'm sorry but your child has failed.  And in return you, the parent, are deemed a failure too.

When did it get this way??  Why so much pressure on our kids to be this or that?  Why do all 4 year olds have to fit in exactly the same box?

Well--let me tell you--the one thing I learned through homeschooling my kids for 15 years is that

KIDS DO NOT ALL ACHIEVE THE SAME GOALS AT THE SAME TIME!

ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT!

KIDS LEARN DIFFERENTLY! KIDS HAVE DIFFERENT STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES!

Mommas know their kids.  We are around them so much more than anyone else.  The persons or institution administering the "test"  only sees them for a few minutes.  How can they define a person by just those few minutes?

Why do all 5 year olds need to read at a certain level?  Do all 40 year olds read at the same level?

Kids will excel in some areas and not be that great in other areas.  Aren't we all like that?  Don't we all have our strengths and weaknesses?  Can't we ALL grow in different areas?

Please, parents,  I caution you against measuring yourself and your kids against all these parameters that SOMEONE HAS JUST MADE UP!  Who decided what a 6 year old should be reading like?  Who made up all these "standards"?

We know our kids!  Let's not compare and pressure.  Let's be good mommas and daddies.  Let's love our kids regardless of how well they can jump through someone else's hoops.  Let's love our kids for the joys that they are!  Let's love our kids for who God has made them to be!  

Be encouraged!!  You are doing a great job parents!!  You're kids are doing good too!  

--rant over.......for now.

For Better or Worse

The traditional American Wedding Vows:

"I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

Seems simple enough.

But I don't think most people have a clue what they are committing to or the depth of these vows.

If there was anyway to make these vows "real life" to people at the altar...how could we put it into words?

"...to have and to hold from this day forward" -- Oh this sounds nice, the having and the holding...  but just wait....

"for better, for worse"  -- The "better" we love!  Yeah!  Gimme some more of those days where we eat ice cream, bike to the park together, watch a thunderstorm, snuggle up by a fire and enjoy the night.  The "worse". Yuck.  How worse?  What about when family members and friends push you aside? Or your kids are out of control? What about when every moment of the day is filled with unimaginable emotional pain from kids, or others, or each other, or life in general?

"for richer, for poorer"  --  Richer sounds good.  Poorer, not so much.  How poor?  What will we lose?  What will we suffer?

"in sickness and in health"  --Well, the other day my hubby was holding me up in the bathtub has I was losing my lunch at both ends.  TMI - I know.  But these are the days no one wants to talk about or think about enduring.  What about those moments of extreme sickness, cancer, Alzheimer's?  What about morning sickness?  What about when the kids are all throwing up on you?  It's disgusting, I know, but this stuff actually happens.  

"to love and to cherish" -- Ah, well this sounds nice anyway.  Cue the singing birds.  Oh wait,  my hubby's not very loveable at the moment..what?  still cherish?  You mean I'M not very lovable at the moment?  Oh dear, more work to do.

"till death do us part" --  Oh, sure. I can do that.  Wait, till death!  Isn't that a long time away??  I got married when I was 18!  If you mean DEATH..then it may be 60 or 70 years!  With the SAME person!  

So here's my proposed new wedding vows:

I will be committed to you till the day I day.  Forsaking all others, I will be only yours.  I promise to be there when it's fun and not so fun.  I will be by your side when we are happy and not so happy.  I will be your cheerer, encourager, helper, and more.  When you are sick and helpless, I will help you. When the bank account is running on empty, I will help to save and scrimp and eat beans and rice. When the kids are yelling and my head is about to burst, I will still be here.  I may not always be the happy, calm person that I need to be but with your help and the help of Jesus, I will strive to be that person.  Putting God at the center of our marriage is my top priority.  Without Him, we can not do this journey.  

I love you bunches, Larry. 

15 Things to Do in 2015

I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions.  I like to grow and expand my horizons as the Lord leads and directs me.  Sometimes it's January 1 but sometimes it's later in the year.  But I am a goal setter and accomplisher.  I like to check boxes and get things done.  So I won't consider these "resolutions" per se,  but a resolve to continue to grow and become the woman God wants me to be.

So here's my list of 15 things I would like to do in 2015:

1.  Continue to Read God's Word daily.  I started this habit years ago and it has changed me from the inside out.  Continually devouring the Words God has given us is eternally fulfilling and continues to help me in all situations.  If you haven't read completely through the Word of God I highly encourage you to do so this year!  There are numerous Bible plans available online. Don't get bogged down in the fact that you skipped a day or feel like you need to catch up.  Just pick up the next day and move forward.  Feed your soul!  It's so important!

2. Write/Call/Email/Text.  When someone comes to mind, I will try to do something to let them know I am thinking and praying for them.  Just a short sentence or word would be something. In this day and age,  it's easy to stay in contact with people.

3.  Be proactive with my exercise.  I need to be  intentionally deciding to walk or exercise or hoop or zumba or whatever.  Even while I'm doing something mundane like watching tv, I can get my hoop out, or walk in place.  I'm trying to get 8000 steps a day.  Hopefully, I can up that to 9000 sometime this year. :)

4.  Take every thought captive.  My brain gets the better of me sometime.  I'm an internal thinker/processor.  I internalize everything instead of talking out loud.  I need to take those thoughts captive for Christ.  I can quickly get into a downward spiral if I'm not careful.  With careful consideration and thought I need to take those negative thoughts and turn them over to the Lord.

5.  Eat foods that will benefit my health.  I've changed quite a lot on this one.  Larry says I used to go to the store to buy boxes, but I've come a long way now.  I usually shop on the outside perimeter of the grocery store.  I read the labels, check the ingredients.  That doesn't mean that I won't occasionally eat some junk food.  Everything in moderation.

6.  Memorize Scripture.  A few years back I memorized Romans 12.  I'd like to revisit this one and also add a few other chapters to my memory banks.  It's not only good for the soul, but great to stretch this old brain!  If you haven't memorized Scripture lately, try it!  You may be surprised just what you can remember!  Anyone want to do this with me??

7.  Try not to immediately be negative.  I've always joked that I'm Eeyore and Larry is Tigger.  I don't know why but I usually go to the negative.  Larry's shown me that even the yuckiest circumstances can have a silver lining.  I will try to see the glass more half full.

8.  Continue to grow in my relationship with my adult kids.  It's a whole different world now that my kids are grown.  I am learning to navigate this crazy world of adult children.  I want to continue to have a great relationship with them and their spouses/girlfriends.  Lord, show me how to be a friend and mentor to them.

9.  Learn some new Hoop tricks!  Ok there's gotta be some fun ones on this list too!  Hooping is my new favorite love.  I'd love to add some new moves to my repertoire of already amazing stuff I've learned.  It' so neat to be able to loosen up and dance like no one's watching!

10.  Enjoy the moment.  Instead of constantly looking for what needs to be done or what I should be doing, I'm learning to be content and enjoy the moment I'm in.  Whether that's enjoying a beautiful sunny day, or just enjoying the walk to the laundry mat,  I'm going to learn to be happy in the moments of each day.  They pass way too quickly.

11.  Do not be afraid.  Sometimes I get consumed with worry over the state of fill-in-the blank.  God says 365 times in the Bible "Do not be afraid".  My life seems to always be in a state of flux.  God is with me.  I will not be afraid.

12.  Blog/Journal/Write.  I love having this blog to record the moments.  I have a Christmas memories book that I got 25 years ago.  I have written in it every Christmas and it's been such a treasure to go back and read what life was like over the years.  It's so important to pass down these stories to the next generation.  Not just little sound bytes or status updates.  But real stories!  Whether it's journaling or blogging, I'd like to continue to record life's happenings for my kids and grandkids.

13.  Be sillier.  Life's too short to take everything so seriously.  I said something yesterday to Larry in a silly voice and he cracked up!  I'm learning to do the unexpected and as the Mary Poppin's song goes "Love to Laugh".

14.  Drink more water.  This has always been an issue for me.  I know I need to drink more water but I just forget.  I don't drink sodas or juice.  Just coffee, tea and water.  If I remember to get my big water bottle and put it on my desk each day maybe I'll remember.  I know the benefits...it's just a matter of doing it.

15.  Don't feel so pressured.  Being the accomplish oriented freak that I am, having this list is daunting!  It's just a suggested list.  I don't need to do everything on here.  These are good goals to have and shoot for this year but if I fail, then that's ok.  The world will still move on and tomorrow's a new day.

Happy New Year!  May the Lord continue to Bless!

2014 Year in Review

So 2014 is almost over!  I can't believe it!  How is it possible that it will be 2015??  Well time does fly!

So just a little year in review in no particular order:

• My youngest turned 18!  now I have all grown adult kids!  wow!
• Took a Cruise to the Bahamas with friends!!
• Majorly downsized and moved into a 750 square foot apartment closer to Larry's work
• Val changed jobs and is now loving the office life! weekends off!  woot woot!
• Had a wonderful time visiting our pro life friends in New Orleans
• Our home church continues to grow and be an encouragement
• Camped a lot this spring and summer all around!  even stayed in a Yurt!
• I still love my hula hooping!  I even started Zumba!
• Scott is working hard in San Angelo and around Texas
• Sam got a job at UPS at the airport (but is ready to leave us on some new adventure!)
• A few car wrecks but thankfully everyone is ok!
• Found a lot of geocaches wherever we happened to be
• Got to go visit friends and my Godson in Pittsburgh
• The boys jumped out of a perfectly good airplane!  Skydiving!
• lots of hikes, museums, plays, movies, games and fun!
• Larry grew (and is still growing!) a big 'ol beard!

So that's 2014 in a nutshell!

What about your year!  How has the Lord blessed you??