How to have a Marriage that Lasts
Larry and I are coming up on our 25th anniversary! 25 years together! I really can't believe it! How did we do this in a world filled with divorce? I'm no expert. It's only by the Grace of God we've survived! But here's 25 things I've learned:
- Be friends. Enjoy each other's company. Do activities together that each other likes. Try new things and have fun together. It doesn't have to cost any money. Going to the park or playing monopoly together. Just having fun together is a major component of marriage.
- Learn to let go. Just because he doesn't do something the same way you do doesn't make it wrong. Just different. Don't micro manage his life. Most things don't matter. Major in the major things and let everything else go.
- Talk about stuff. If something is bothering you. Talk about it. No need to get emotional or assume things. He may not even have noticed something. Just talk and have open communication.
- It's not a 50-50 relationship. You give of yourself. Sometimes it's 70-30 sometimes it's 80-20 sometimes it's 90-10 but we need to always focus on giving of ourselves not just what he's giving to me or what I can get out of the relationship.
- Learn to listen. Over the past 25 years, I've changed a lot. I've learned to stop and listen to the input my husband has to say. I don't always like it. But it's been great for my growth.
- Don't assume. Don't assume anything. Tones or words can often be misconstrued. Just ask and don't read into what you think the other person meant.
- Laugh. Laughing is the best thing to relieve tension and build relationships. Learn to laugh at the big and little things, at the mistakes, and at yourself.
- Find things to do together. Don't get so involved in your kids or your own hobbies that you grow apart. Keep focused on growing together and be interested in what each other likes.
- Decide. Just decide that you will stay together. Barring any immorality or violation of the marriage vows, we have decided that we will be together. We will have to work it out and figure out how to live with each other through better or worse.
- Early in our marriage we figured out there were 3 kinds of love: commitment love, the woozy-woozy (romantic) love, and friendship love. Commitment is the underlying foundation of our marriage. The other 2 come and go but commitment is always there.
- Always be honest. I know I can ask Larry anything and he will tell me the truth. Even if I ask him if something I'm wearing looks good or not! (hey-I might even wear it anyway!) We don't keep any secrets from each other.
- Continually seek the Lord. He is the reason we are committed to each other. He is ultimately our foundation.
- Make each other a priority. I know it's especially hard with little children. But we will be with each other till we die. Our kids will only be with us 18 years.
- Compromise. Everything does not always have to be your way. Learn to eat new foods, go new places, experience new stuff, move to new areas. You might like it and learn something.
- Learn each other's love language. If you haven't read the book The Five Love Languages yet. Do it. It really helps you to understand the crazy language your spouse speaks.
- Work at it. Marriage is work. It takes time to talk, understand, grow in the relationship. Take the time to do it!
- Words matter. Use your words wisely. You can ask forgiveness later but the words will still be there. Choose what you say carefully. Don't use "always" and "never".
- Things always look differently in the morning. That argument you had last nite probably seems trivial the next day. Usually a good night's rest and coffee together in the morning will work out the bugs from the night before.
- Take time for physical touch. This one's tough for me because I'm not a touch person. But it's my husband's love language (see number 15). A hug or kiss makes all the difference in a day sometimes.
- Reminisce. It's good to talk about old times. Fun things you've done together. Revisit old places where you've had good memories. Look through photos together.
- Brace yourselves for the storms of this life. Bad things will happen. Somethings you might never have imagined. Draw closer to each other during these times..not apart.
- Go to counseling and marriage retreats. Every so often it's good to get a boost! Even when things are going great! I especially love to go when everything seems fine. It's reinforcing and encouraging and you can tweak the areas that could potentially be problems later.
- Along with that thought, read marriage books. Find something you might can read together or read out loud to each other. It's good to gain knowledge and encouragement from others.
- Be thankful. Don't always focus on the negative. (how's that for a negative sentence!) Make a list of things you are thankful for in your spouse. It may surprise you!
- Hold tight, saddle up, and be prepared for an amazing adventure! I've had more fun with Larry than anyone! Marriage is a great adventure! Sure, there's ups and downs but hold on tight and cling to one another and the adventure will be well worth it!
What all have you learned in your marriage? What books have you read that you would recommend? What has worked or not worked? What would you say to a newlywed today? What has sustained you? I would love to hear your comments!
Happy 25 years Larry! The Lord is gracious!
And I am so thankful for you!
