Did it happen if I didn't post it?

We had a fabulous fourth of July!  Danced, hooped, listened to live bands, swam, rode bikes!  And to end the fabulous day, we watched amazing fireworks over Lake Carolyn from our rooftop pool.  Just absolute bliss. Ahhh...

While we were watching the fireworks, some people came over and stood by the pool.  They messed with their phones for a good five minutes. Then they videoed the fireworks for a few minutes, took a few selfies with the fireworks behind them, messed with their phones some more..and then they were all , "Ok, yall ready to go?" Then they left!  The fireworks show wasn't even over yet!

They missed the majority of the experience because they were on their phones.

So, in this day and age, does it actually happen if it's not posted on some social media outlet?

People nowadays, it seems, would rather just post that they did something cool, than actually experience it.

Now I'm all for social media and keeping in touch, blah blah blah.  But a lot of times, I just sit and experience it.  I don't need a picture.  I don't need to post it anywhere.  I just like to have fun, people watch, watch the fireworks.  Just have my own thoughts.

It's a lost art really.

Just being in the moment.

If there's ever a moment of down time, or standing in a line, out pop people's phones.

Look up!  Not only is "text neck" an actual thing, but there is a whole world going on around you.

An actual world.  Where real people with real feelings and emotions are.  Where real nature and beauty are right in front of your eyes.

Enjoy the moment.  Look up.

What if I didn't post it, or take a picture of it?  What if I didn't have my phone with me?  Would it still be fun?

Try it and see!  😊

Being a momma

Being a mom is one of the greatest joys in life.  It's also one of the hardest jobs imaginable.  When the kids are little it's all physically demanding.  When the kids are older, it's all emotionally draining.

It is just hard.

There are great rewards. And yet there are things I would've never learned about myself if I hadn't had kids.

And now my kids are having their own families!  It is so exciting to watch and be a part of it all!

I was such a young young mom (which I wouldn't change a bit and still highly recommend to people). I had all my kids between the ages of 21 and 25.

I was young and naive.  But through a lot of tears, smiles, hugs, games and grit we made it through.

I thought I knew a lot.  Turns out I didn't know much at all!

Being a mom is a journey.  (and I'm not done yet!--navigating being a mom to adults now!)

If I could tell myself as a young mom anything I would say to her:

This won't last forever.

Stop and breathe.  Turn on the music and have a dance party.  Forget about the dishes.

Get help!  Ask friends or family for advice, or physical help if feeling overwhelmed.

Write stuff down.  Those little sayings, those funny moments.  Journal, jot, write it down because you'll forget it.

You don't know it all and you will make mistakes. A lot of them.  You will get angry, mess up, say the wrong thing.  We all have those days.  Ask your kids for forgiveness, forgive yourself and move on.  Tomorrow is always a new day.

Take that nap.  Or lay down and rest.  There's always laundry to fold.

Your kids are growing up! Let them!  Give them responsibilities and freedoms and let them fly! (sometimes they will and sometimes they won't by the way)

Being a mom isn't about control or fitting them into your "box".  My way isn't always the "only" way.

Listen to what your kids are saying to you.  They may be whining it at you or just being "difficult" but stop and hear what's behind the whine.  What are they needing.

The things they "do" to you aren't personal.  They don't have a personal vendetta to get you (well not always! ha!)

Pray!  A lot more than you think!  Feed your soul.  You need it!  Don't go dry.

Develop some friends or a network that you can meet at the park or trade babysitting.

Don't forget your husband!  Cultivate that relationship! One day you'll wake up and all those noises and messes will be gone.  All that's left will be you and him.  Grow that relationship so you won't be strangers later.

And he can do stuff too!  No he won't do it like you do but let him!  and don't criticize him when he helps out.

Love and prayers to all the moms out there!  It's a tough job but the rewards are lifelong!

I'm enjoying this side of motherhood now...and grandmotherhood!  Wow!  So much fun!

2018 year in Review

Well, 2018 is almost over and really--good riddance.  It's been a tough year.  We lost all our parents this year.  My mom died early in the year and my dad died after Thanksgiving.  Larry's mom battled a lot of sickness and after a successful move to an assisted living by us she passed away in September.  It's really surreal to be the oldest ones in the family now.  We have no grandparents and now no parents.

We battled some medical things ourselves.  I had a kidney stone. Larry had shoulder surgery.  I had a weird infection in my elbow.  We both had some unusual sickness at the beginning of the year.  I had some eye surgery. (Post on that later) and I started Invisalign too!

But it hasn't been all bad.  We got to go on a cruise in April to the Caribbean with great friends!  We had some beautiful California Closets installed in our condo. We got to go see our son in San Diego twice! We got to see some wonderful friends in Virginia. We spent a great weekend in Corpus with my daughter and her husband and the grand baby!  I got to spend several weekends this year with my dad coming over.

So as we turn the calendar to 2019, I'm anticipating good things!  We will have another grand baby in January!  And a new baby is always a happy way to start the year!  Annabelle will be 2 next year!  My son will be finished with the Marines in March and will be starting some new exciting career.  We will be celebrating our 30th anniversary and we are looking at a trip to Croatia!

There's lots to mourn for last year but lots to look forward for the year to come.

So my word for the new year is RELATIONSHIPS.  Trying to think of my relationships with people.  Not just my jobs or duties to people but what am I doing for the relationship?  How do I build that?  How do I grow and encourage those?  Lots to work but I'm praying God will guide me in this next year.  

Happy New Year everyone.

Happy 29 years!

In a few weeks, my honey and I will be married 29 years!  In a way, it seems so short but in a way it seems so long! Hahaha!  JK--mostly 😂

Marriage is tough.  It takes effort.  It's not always romance and flowers and mushy stuff.  It's life and messes and arguments.  It's disagreements and not seeing eye to eye and misunderstandings and annoyances.  It's missed opportunities and different expectations.

But that does not mean we haven't had some fun along the way!  It's also, coffee together in the morning, watching the rain on the balcony together, playing a new board game together, watching Jeopardy together.  All these things have the same word in common--together. 

Marriage is together.  We are on the same team!  We should be working together!  I'm for Him and He is for Me! 

So what's the big secret on how to be married for 29 years?  << here's a few ideas but I really couldn't tell you. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas.  But the main one is just don't quit!  Work at it!  In some aspects,  I'm competitive and so is he and neither one of us want to lose.  (***side note:  Now it goes without saying that in the cases of abandonment or adultery or abuse--get the heck out!  Seek help and counseling!)

A big part of our marriage is friendship.  It's having fun together.  I think that's what keeps us going a lot of times.  Being silly, having fun, dancing like no one's watching! 

Read good marriage books.  Seek counseling even during the good times.  Go on dates! Go on marriage retreats. Be around other married couples. Apologize. Don't always be right. Love with the other person's love language.  Get off your phone sometimes.  Do one nice thing.  Stop the downward spiral. Enjoy yourself. Grow. Change.  Help each other. Learn from others.  Take advice.  Don't get stuck in the monotony.  Mix it up.  Try.

It's like putting gas and oil in the car, if you want the car to keep running you gotta take care of it! Maintenance is pretty important to a relationship. 

So have fun, hang on and enjoy this ride called life!

Here's to another 29 years Larry!  We got this!!  💗 

Get 'er done!

I'm a finisher.  If I start a project, I like to finish it.  I have a really hard time not seeing something to completion.  I'm an accomplisher.  I like to check off my boxes and get things done. 

I understand everyone is different.  And I am thankful for that. 

We need to have the easy going people, the fun people, the peace people, the people that don't want to hurt other's feelings. 

But we also need the finishers.  We need people that can start a project and get it to the finish.  Otherwise, things get started and then just stall and go by the wayside.  I do understand some times circumstances change and the way a project starts must bend and flow and it may not need to be completed the same way we thought it did. 

As long as it gets done though. 

I can look at an overall picture of a project and see the individual steps that need to be taken to get to the end. 

It's a blessing and a curse really.

I love making things happen.  I see all kinds of little check marks and boxes and stuff getting done and I just light up!  But then when it's not happening on my timeline or I see inefficiencies -- I just have to stop and breathe. 

We went to a great marriage conference a few weeks ago "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".  He had a great quiz on different personalities and what make us tick.

So basically, we all live in these different "countries". Peace, Control, Fun and Perfect countries. We all are motivated differently, speak different languages and the like. 

It's fun that God made us all differently.  We have to use each other's talents to get along really.  I'm definitely "Control" country. I'm learning to go to the other countries.  I usually can't stay long but it's good to visit them every once in a while.

So if I come across pushy, or gruff, or in a hurry- it's just because I'm trying to finish.

A Life of Joy

A week ago, my mother in law went to be with Jesus.  She was 80 years old.  Mother "in law" is a strange term.  Yes, she was "in the law".  But it was deeper than that.

She was the hub of the family.  She was diligent about calling not only her kids and grand kids, but her extended family as well.  She would call cousins, friends she'd known for years, even some ex-family members.  She truly cared about people.  When she called, it wasn't about what was going on in her life.  It was about what was happening in yours.  Then she would likely call others in the family and make sure they knew what was happening in your life too!  HA!  It held people together.  It connected us all.

Three words that completely described her.

Joy, Prayer, and Thanks.

Her first response in almost every situation was Joy!  No matter the news you told her - whether good or bad- she could find the joy in it somehow. "We are moving to Pittsburgh Grandma!" she would respond "I'm so happy for you!"  "Grandma, I just lost my job"  Her response-Well, I'm glad we will have time to visit!".  Her life took many turns and twists and I'm not sure how she survived a lot of it--but she was always joyful. 

Prayer consumed her.  She would pray about everything.  Automatically.  First thing.  I have to admit, I got a little cozy knowing I had a powerful warrior standing before the Throne!  I will miss all her powerful interventions on my behalf, on my kid's behalf.  I need to step it up and get busy praying!

Thankfulness was her mantra.  She exuded "In Everything Give Thanks!"  She literally did.  Everything.  Whereas my initial thought is usually negative. Hers was always positive.  She was thankful.  She could find a reason to be thankful.   She could pray and give thanks regardless.  I have much work to do in this area.

She was one of the quirkiest people I've ever known.  She was downright odd to most.  But those three little words - JOY, PRAYER, THANKS- were her trademark.  It's who she was inside and out.

I have much to work on in these categories.  I will strife to be the grandma that she was to my kids.

Colossians 3:14-17 "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

On nagging and trusting

So, I like to control things.  I like to micromanage.  I like to "make sure" it gets done "right".  Well, I should say, that is my tendency.  That's what my default is.  That's what I struggle against.

My way is not always the right way.  My timing is not always the best timing.  Even though I think it might be...other people have other ways of doing things.

This especially comes into view with my husband. He is completely and totally opposite of me.  He's spontaneous.  He's loud and gregarious.  He thinks outside of the box (does he even have a box??)  He's unscheduled and un-traditional.  Completely unconventional in a lot of ways.

So many times in our marriage I've had to bite my tongue and let him do it "his way".  Well, it didn't start off that way.  But I have learned that nagging ...(cough**telling**cough) him what to do is pretty much never the way to get things done.  In fact, if I am the boss and directing him, then I'm not really trusting him am I? 

Hubby has worked contract jobs for years and with contract it's feast or famine.  When he comes home to tell me "I've got good news and bad news".  My heart gets to pounding, my brain starts to worrying.  How will we survive without a job?  What will happen?  But I know now to just trust him to take care of us.  I don't need to "check" in on him and see how any resumes he has sent out or how many calls he has made today.  I trust him.  I believe he wants the best for me and our family.  I trust that he has prepared a backup plan for different scenarios.  Nagging does not do a thing.

I recently read an excellent book called The Empowered Wife.  In it she lists 4 questions that really help in these situations where I want or "need" to say something.  It basically all boils down to fear.

1. What am I afraid of?
2. Is my fear realistic?
3. Can I actually control the situation?
4. Is it worth the intimacy it would cost to control it?

It's that fourth one that gets me.  Is it worth the intimacy?  Do I want to become his mom in telling him how and when to do things?  Probably not.

Now I 'm not saying we can't talk about things and he doesn't reassure me with the plan in different situations.  We do talk.  We come up with ideas together.  He loves my input and my ideas!  We work as a team for sure.  But I trust him to be the leader.  I trust his decisions.  Just as he trusts me.

These questions work wonders not only for husband and wife relationships but for any relationship really!  Relationships with my grown up kids is a great example! Friendships, other family relationships, you name it..if I'm worried about something or thing I need to nag or control..I can always go back to those questions.

Proverbs 2:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." 

Proverbs 21:9 "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

I want to be a joy to my husband, friends, & kids!  Nobody wants to hang around a nagging quarrelsome person.

Birthday time!

My 47th birthday is in just a few days!   Forty seven!  How can that be?  That's pretty close to 50!  Yikes!  Time just speeds up the older we get.  Feels like sledding down a hill, so much fun and having a blast but it just goes way too fast!

So as time keeps marching on, it's good to reflect on things I've learned along the journey.

Here's just a few thoughts:

Tomorrow is always a new day.  No matter how bad it seems or how dark things get, tomorrow morning comes and a new day begins.  A new day brings new perspective and things don't always seem as bad as they did in the middle of the night.

When I'm feeling blue, I like to go sit or stand or walk in the sun.  It's so relaxing and refreshing to get some Vitamin D!  It seems to lift my spirits too.

My health is important.  What I eat, and put into my body determines the future of my body.  I need to spend the time to research and then put into practice  the things that will benefit my brain and body.

Most things don't matter.  Really, do I need to say anything to this person or that.  What is really important.  Most things aren't life altering.  There are very few things that are.  Before I open my mouth, or react or type out a comment I need to ask myself--does this really matter.  Chances are it doesn't.

Seizing the moment.  What's more important?  that tv show? cleaning that kitchen? or spending time with my kids or friends or loved ones?  The days are fleeting and times go so quickly.  The nest is empty now, and gone are the days of sitting on the floor playing with the kiddos (although I'm psyched about being a grandma and enjoying those grandkids!!)   Carpe Diem! Seize the Day!  Enjoy the moment.  Be in the moment.  I don't need to try and "post" every single thing or take a million pictures or always be thinking of what I need to do...I just need to enjoy the moment.

My relationship with God is the most important thing I can cultivate while here on earth.  If I'm going to spend eternity with my Creator it is important that I get to know Him now.  He is the only one that can hold me and never lets me down.  He is the Rock.  I need to use my time and energy wisely when it comes to reading His Word and talking to Him.

As much as an Eeyore as I am,  you still gotta have fun!    No matter what all needs to be done during the day, you have to take time out to have some fun!  For me that's hooping, or walking, or enjoying a cup of coffee or tea, reading a book, going to see a play, playing a board game with my hubby.  If you just go and work and accomplish all day every day --then life gets to be a drag.  Dance like no one is watching (even if they are who cares!)  Be a kid and enjoy!  This is the day the Lord has made! Rejoice!

So that's a few thoughts on this journey of life so far.  What about you?  What all have you learned?  What words of wisdom would you like to pass on to others?  Comment below!

Stuff

So, the issue of stuff is on my mind as of late.  You know, our beloved household belongings that somehow multiply over night it seems.  Where does all this stuff come from?  How is it taking over the house? and the garage and every single closet!

Well, I'm a big fan of cleaning out the clutter!  To some people it comes naturally, others have to work on it, and unfortunately some people just never get it.

But the question comes to mind, and the thing I've been thinking about lately is being a burden to my kiddos after I die.  Who is going to have to come in and clean stuff out to sell the place etc?  My kids! It's already such a burden to deal with funeral arrangements, close accounts, etc etc.

So how, you may ask, do we keep the clutter down and not leave such a burden of STUFF to our kiddos?

Well, here's a few things I do to keep the clutter under control:

When I buy something new I try to get rid of at least 2 other things.
I always have a bag ready to add to for donation to a thrift store etc.

If you are completely overwhelmed, start with a drawer.  Dump everything out on the table or some place where you have room to work.  Clean out the drawer and decide what exactly you want to use the drawer for.  Then put only the things back that fit into that category.  Whatever is left, you will need to decide if it goes into another place or if you can give it away.

Ask yourself these questions:
Have I used this in the last year?
Do I have something else that will suffice for the use of this item?
Is it costing me more to store it in my house than if I could go buy one? (your home is so much $ per square feet--how much room does the object take up in your square footage?)
Would I use this in the next year?
Am I saving this "Just because I might need it"?
Might I really need this at all?
Do I want to leave this for my kids to go through?  And will they want it? (don't assume--ask them!and then don't be offended if they don't want it.  It was important to you but may not be to them and that's ok)

Next, you can do a closet! Then a room!  Then the garage!

In all our moves, I've paired down, sorted things and given lots away.  One question I always ask myself is "If I had to pack this in a Uhaul, haul it across the country, unpack it --would I still want it when I got there".   That has actually been a good measurement to the things I really like.

So, how about it?  Spring is just around the corner.  Spring cleaning anyone??

A Kilgore is...

What it means to be a Kilgore

When our kids were little we decided to come up with a family creed.  What it really means to be a Kilgore.

We each contributed thoughts and ideas and the kids were the ones that encouraged us to find Bible verses to back up each of these.  We had this framed and it hung on the wall for years.  As we moved and the kids grew up and moved out..it had gotten lost somehow.  The file was on an old computer that we no longer could use and it sort of went by the wayside.  

Then I went to message an old friend about a random topic and lo and behold this creed was there from a previous conversation many many moons ago!  

I think I'll print it out and hang it on the fridge again.  It's a great creed for our family.  Have any of you all made a family motto or code? Would love to hear it!  Comment below!

A Kilgore is....

Fears, loves and worships the immortal, invisible, only wise God.

Deut. 6:4

Honors God, parents & elders.

John 5:23, Eph 6:2, Prov 16:31

Man lays down his life for his wife and loves her as Christ loves the church.

Eph 5:25-28, Col. 3:19

Woman submits to the authority of her husband and provides wise counsel.

Eph 5:22, Col 3:18

Child seeks opportunities to serve parents without being asked.

Gal. 5:13, I Corinthians 9:19

Protects and cares for orphans and widows.

James 1:27

Can do all things through Christ who strengthen us.

Phil 4:13

Hates the wicked and seeks to crush their schemes.

Ps 139:21

Meditates on infallible Word of God, the Bible.

Prov. 3:1, Ps 1:2

Communicates with God frequently and ask for wisdom.

Col 1:9, Phil 4:6

Is hated by the world, because we preach the truth without compromise.

Ps 34:21

Mourns and rejoices with others and provides comfort.

Rom 12:15, Isa 61:2-3,  I Cor 12:26

Practices unquestionable integrity, truth & loyalty.

Job 27:5, 1 Kings 8:61

Does not whine, yell, pout, or display discontent.

Phil 2:14, Phil 4:11

Provides freedom and justice to the oppressed.

Isa 61:1, Job 36:6, Ps 10:18

Eagerly accepts correction.

Prov 3:11

Gives generously of our time, talent and treasure.

Prov 3:9, 2 Corinthians 8:3,4

Has a thankful heart and hates covetousness.

Eph 5:20, Eph 5:3

Enthusiastically communicates Gods plan for an abundant life.

Matt 28:19

Is fun.

John 10:10

Dancin' in the minefields

I went to a wedding this weekend and it was lovely.  Young love in the air is so inspiring!  All the dreams and hopes for the future are just sitting right there like gifts waiting for them to open!

They have no idea what lies before them.  The better.  The worse.  Just eyes closed and dancing.  I love that.  Yes, it's gonna be a long road.  But oh so worth it.   If I could talk to my 18 year old self standing at the altar some 27 years ago and tell her all the trials she will face, and the heartache and the tears...I'm not sure my little 18 year old self would understand it all.  I had stars in my eyes and my heart in the clouds.  And that's ok.

I've grown - we've grown.  We've learned so much about each other, life, others, ourselves.  It hasn't all be happy happy - but it has all been wonderful.

I think this song explains it perfectly.  Lyrics are below.

I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

Friends

What is a Friend?

Over the years, we've moved a lot and lived in a lot of different places. We've met loads of people. Well, I should say Larry has gotten us to meet loads of people! ha ha!  He's definitely the extrovert and I'm the introvert.

Some of the friendships that we've made have continued and some have waned. Some were dormant for a while and some have renewed.  I do enjoy all my different friendships.  As I was sitting having lunch with some friends today I was thinking about what a friend is.

F - Fellowship The dictionary describes fellowship as a "friendly association with people that share one's interests." I remember talking to someone one time who didn't go to our home church and describing how our church worked.  I said that we fellowship for and hour or so.  He looked at me and said "Fellowship for an hour!" I don't think I can do that!  -and then he said "Wait, what's fellow-shipping?"  Haha!  As friends, I think our first thing we love to do is laugh and talk with each other. Those are  some good fellow-shipping times.

R - Remembering  Another great thing about friends is remembering.  We can get together and reminisce about the past.  We can tell stories that only we know and laugh at those things or cry. It's good to bring to mind the things of the past. It's good to have people with me who bring things to mind.

I - Inspiration  I love to be around inspirational people.  Sometimes just a little word or action one of my friends does or says will catapult my life in a whole new direction.  Or maybe I just start to see the world a little differently.

E - Encourager Friends seems to always know the right word to say to lift my day or help me see the sun behind the clouds.  My Eeyore self really needs a good encourager at times and I'm glad I have friends that will do that!

N- Need I hate to be that "needy" friend.  But that's how friendships work.  Sometimes we need stuff from people and sometimes they need stuff.  It goes both ways.  It shouldn't be weighted on one side.  I want to be the friend that can come over when you need, or talk when you need, or just listen.

D - Different Thank goodness all my friends are not just like me.  We all have different interests, tastes in things and temperaments.  But that's what makes it great! We can sharpen each other and keep each other on our toes!  And I can learn not everyone's does things the way I do (or should!)

It's a New Year!

So it's a new year and everyone's making resolutions.  I'm not a big resolutions fan.  I'm super goal oriented and if I don't think I can make my goals then I don't want to resolve to do them.

So if you aren't making any New Year's resolutions this year, how about this:

Start:  think about starting one new thing this year. Maybe it's trying to knit? or start reading the Bible, or start walking at lunch?   You don't have to commit to a whole new lifestyle but maybe just a start will nudge you in the right direction.

Stop:  think about stopping one thing this year.  Just as easily as it is to start new habits, it's hard to stop.  But maybe we can just stop one thing?  maybe stop interrupting when someone is talking?  or stop buying those donuts?  or stop complaining?  stop checking your phone. There's always something I need to stop doing.  It's being mindful of those things that will help.

Continue:  Think about continuing one thing this year.  What did you do last year that was a good thing?  Continue it!  Continue walking, continue building friendships, continue praying, continue serving others.  There are lots of good habits that we can keep doing!

That's my resolve for this year.  Start one new thing, stop doing one thing and continue doing something good.

How about you?  Any resolutions?

What do we require in our relationships?

Well, I gotta get on my soapbox a minute.  My heart breaks for girls today.

Girls today sell themselves short.  They are quick to give their hearts away in a relationship and even quicker to jump into bed with someone they aren't married to.  They move in with them in the hopes that "probably" they will get married.  Probably?  What are you requiring of him?  You give your all to the relationship without expecting anything in return.  You aren't requiring a solid commitment from him!

Why is this completely accepted in not only the world but also "Christian" circles?

Ladies!  You are worth so much more than that!  You don't need to sell yourself short!  Don't give in to the physical pressures of the guy.  They are requiring you to give in.  What are you expecting of them?  A maybe, someday, hopefully proposal?  That's not a good way to start off a marriage anyway. The statistics on divorce after co-habitation are grim.

Marriage is a wonderful covenant!  It's two people fully committed to one another.  It's two people who completely trust each other.  It's two people who come together with an understanding that they will do whatever it takes to protect their relationship.

So, ladies, protect your virtue.  It is a virtue to remain chaste.  Require a commitment from your guy.  If he is a gentlemen he will honor that.  Don't you want to be married to a gentleman after all?  If he's a gentleman before marriage-he will be a gentleman during your marriage.

And gentlemen, treat your lady right.  Honor God.  Respect her and she will respect you.

Galatians 5:19-22 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.


The problem with living together

Test driving marriage

Ok, off my soap box now.

What do we require in our relationships?

Well, I gotta get on my soapbox a minute.  My heart breaks for girls today.

Girls today sell themselves short.  They are quick to give their hearts away in a relationship and even quicker to jump into bed with someone they aren't married to.  They move in with them in the hopes that "probably" they will get married.  Probably?  What are you requiring of him?  You give your all to the relationship without expecting anything in return.  You aren't requiring a solid commitment from him!

Why is this completely accepted in not only the world but also "Christian" circles?

Ladies!  You are worth so much more than that!  You don't need to sell yourself short!  Don't give in to the physical pressures of the guy.  They are requiring you to give in.  What are you expecting of them?  A maybe, someday, hopefully proposal?  That's not a good way to start off a marriage anyway. The statistics on divorce after co-habitation are grim.

Marriage is a wonderful covenant!  It's two people fully committed to one another.  It's two people who completely trust each other.  It's two people who come together with an understanding that they will do whatever it takes to protect their relationship.

So, ladies, protect your virtue.  It is a virtue to remain chaste.  Require a commitment from your guy.  If he is a gentlemen he will honor that.  Don't you want to be married to a gentleman after all?  If he's a gentleman before marriage-he will be a gentleman during your marriage.

And gentlemen, treat your lady right.  Honor God.  Respect her and she will respect you.

Galatians 5:19-22 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders,drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.


The problem with living together

Test driving marriage

Ok, off my soap box now.

Carpe Diem!

I've been thinking a lot about death lately.  Morbid I know, but hear me out.  I just went to a funeral for a friend's grandma.  She was 94 years old.  She lived life to the fullest.  She was super active right up until the end.  She got to see her great-great grandkids!  What a life!

I have another friend that is barely in her 40s and was just sent home on hospice care.  She has cancer.  Cancer stinks.  She has a young family and a sweet husband.  It just doesn't seem fair.  She also lives life to the fullest. She is the happiest, sweetest person through all this yuck.  Even now.

I've just been contemplating living life.   Why do so many people put off things -- "I'll travel when I retire" "I'll have kids after my career gets started" -- "I'll go see that relative when I build up some vacation time".  Why the wait?

Shouldn't we be living our lives NOW!  Shouldn't we Carpe Diem and all that!

I know, it's easy to get stuck in a rut.   It's easy to think we have lots of time to do things later.

It's so easy just to fall into the lull of life.

But I want to get out there and live!  I want to do those things now!

Maybe they are big things like traveling, or moving, or learning something new.

But it's also the small things--like visiting with that person, or saying hello to someone, or having a conversation that you've needed to have with someone, or giving a hug.

Take time to do the things you've been wanting to do. Time is a valuable commodity.  It's the only thing that once we use it we can't get it back.

I don't want grass to grow under my feet.  I want to go and do and see and live my life NOW!

So go out and seize your day!  You won't regret it!

Grandma Status!

So the big news of the year.... I'm going to be a grandma!!! A friend told me don't say "I'm going to be" because I already am! Yes, that is true! There's a new life growing right at this moment.

I can't believe my daughter and her hubby are going to have their own little sweetie pie.  It's a surreal feeling.  Your kids having their own kids.  I'm really happy and excited for them!

I just want to spill out everything I think and know and have learned.  But that wouldn't really be helpful.  They will learn and grow into their own.  I'm sure they will do things differently than we did.  (Thankfully!) I'm sure I'll disagree with things and wish things were done differently.  But they will probably do some things similar too.  Either way, I need to be OK with it.

I'm looking forward to this new role.  I'm excited to be a grandma!  I'm wondering how do I be an influence, show love, and be involved without being "the mom".  I guess it's probably a lot like I'm doing now with my adult children.  I stay involved, text, send presents, ask questions, show them I'm there if they need anything, keep the lines of communication open.

It's an exciting new chapter!

Grandkids!

I really feel too young for this to be happening!

But I'm just thrilled to see my kids raising their own kids.

Doing the happy dance!!

Any advice for this new grandma?  Comment below!

What's Love got to do with it?

There's a secret to marriage.

It's something we figured out in that first really messy year.

It's what Love truly is.

That first year we were married was tough.  I was only 18 and really didn't know anything about anything.  Larry was 25 and he had certain ways he thought marriage would be like.  We had a hard time meshing our lives together at first.

Until we had a conversation about what Love is.

Larry, in his typical analytical fashion, wrote out a definition for Love and it's helped us out in so many ways.

Here it is:  There's 3 kinds of "Love".

First, is the "Commitment Love".  This is the foundation of the marriage.  It's the -I will never leave you or forsake you -you are stuck with me till I die--kind of love.  Even when everything else is just the worst-- the commitment love remains.  It's what keeps us working on the marriage.  It's what keeps us reading books, going to retreats, learning from others, going to counseling.  If you don't have a commitment then the rest just crumbles.

Second is the "Friendship Love".  This is the fun part of marriage! This is the --You're my best friend kind of love!  This is the part of marriage that is going on walks, geocaching, watching the rain together, reading books together, playing games together.  We enjoy each other's company!  We love to spend time with each other.  This is the majority of the marriage.  It's the time we spend together and the friendship that grows out of that. It's the taking care of each other when we are sick, when we need gas in our cars, when we just need a shoulder to cry on.

Lastly, is the -what we like to call- the "Woozy Woozy Love".  This is the love that everyone thinks about when they are getting married. This is the love that always portrayed in the movies.  It's the butterflies in the stomach, starry eyes, fireworks and butterflies love.  Yes, this is a part of marriage but it's not something we build our foundation on.  These feelings come and go.  They are wonderful and I love that "woozy woozy" feeling!  But as our marriage grows, these feelings grow so much deeper.  It's so much more now than just a feeling.

If you are always staying in the "Woozy Woozy" Love, then when that feeling isn't there you might feel like your marriage isn't there anymore.  That's where the "Commitment Love" comes in.  That will always be there.  No matter if either of the other two kinds of love are there or not--the commitment is always there.

This is what we learned in the first year of our marriage.  We are working on year 27 now!

So thankful for you Larry.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."